Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Day 2 - Breaking My Silence and Hopefully Thiers

Yup, still here. Two whole days and going strong :)
I did well today on the food front. Made sure to eat breakfast where I had a small bowl of cream of wheat and a coffee. For lunch i had a giant salad. I forget all that was in it but it did NOT have cheese, dressing with any fat in it, or anything that was glaringly bad.

I didn't do any snacking except for about 6 skittles that someone had sitting on the desk behind mine. Not a good thing to be eating but I at least was aware of what I was doing and really did stop at 6, just a small handful. Basically the theme here is that I'm the one in control.

By the time I got home a bit ago I was starving and had a probably 160ish calorie no fat bowl of cereal with skim milk. Again, I didn't say I was eating healthy, just that I'm in control and not taking in a crap load of calories.

This is important because all around me both at work and at home are bad temptations. I have to make my son mac and cheese for dinner and not eat any. Candy type snacks all over the place at work, and so on. I plan to take a trip to Trader Joe's and get some better snacks to have on hand at my desk at work, which i expect to be a big help. The temptations are always going to be around so I have to get back to managing them better. Having better alternatives at hand was a huge help last time I did this and eventually it became second nature.

Aside from all of that if I'm lucky I'll go for a short run tonight after the kids are in bed and my wife gets home.

As I mentioned before there is no way I'll be able work out twice a day 6 days a week like I was basically doing when I lost 100 pounds in six months in 2007. This is a different animal this time, but I know I can make it work.

the huge elephant hanging over my head right now is the part where I weigh myself. I'm a numbers guy, and it's a huge motivator for me to be able to measure my success in numbers, even if I'm just seeing a pound or two a week. The catch 22 is that I'm not ready for the mental setback and pissed off scene I'm going to have when I see whatever that number is. I'm hoping by this time next week I'll be mentally ready to get on the scale. But who knows, maybe I'll do it sooner.

I will give you some other numbers in the name of coming clean.

July 2007 waist size in jeans - 44
July 2009 waist size in jeans - 34
July 2010 waist size in jeans - 36/38 (ouch, it hurts to write that)

July 2007 weight - 300 I think (I'll have to check the first page of this blog when I'm done writing this :) )

July 2008 weight - 204 (only really maintainable for me if I'm super active and eating perfectly. I'm 6'3 and not a small guy)

July 2009 weight - 215-220 - this is what I think is my sweet spot. Still fit into 34 pants. Looked OK without a shirt on, could still eat some cheese or some beers now and again. This is where I'd like to get back to.

July 2010 weight - ??? - I'm going to guess at best case high 240's, at worst high 250's. If I went and weighed myself now and it was over 260 I think I'd cry.

So there are some numbers to work with until I get hard current numbers. Not ideal, but it did feel good coming clean.It's never too late right?

One of the hardest parts for me is that I really not only felt good about myself before, but I felt like an inspiration to others because of all that weight I lost. Now I feel like I'm borderline looking like another douche bag who is on the way to gaining it all back. It used to be that people who I had not seen in forever commented how I was a changed man. Now no one says anything.

Silence is bad in this case.

Working on changing that and starting with me. Booyah!


Ripx180 said...

I hear you on feeling like a douche bag... I have been 5-10 pounds away from my goal 2 or 3 times now to f-up and put back on 20-30. If you can put half the effort you put into your last go round you will still kick some azz and I am sure find yourself in that "sweet spot" in the not to far off future. Keep on keeping on.

Brian said...

Thanks Rip! The big difference this time is the exercise part. I relied on that heavily last time. If I ate something bad or went a little overboard I'd just ride,run it off. It's really hard for me right now to get that stuff in. I'm struggling to do it 3 days a week. When my daughter gets a little older and on a better schedule I'm hoping that part will change. SHe's only 4 weeks old.
Anyway, thanks for being there man! You've been reading and supporting for a really long time and I really appreciate it. These blogs really do help me stay motivated.